The pendulum swings

I suspect my driving instructor hates me.

And that he dreads every single driving lesson with me equally as much as I dread going for them. Everytime I go for my lesson, I say a silent prayer (although to no one God in particular) for me to get things right and not screw it up again.
But everytime, the prayer goes unanswered (which is why I say, there is no one God up there).

The uncle says, I always cannot get my biting point accurately. Adrian says, I am only good at biting nails.
The uncle says, I cannot step the brake too hard, and must learn to judge properly. Adrian says, I am only good at brake dancing.
The uncle says, I don't know how to turn properly, always turning into the wrong lane. Adrian says, I am only good at turn turtle (I don't know what the hell that is)
The uncle says, I've gone for some many lessons already, but still not good at (insert any of the above). Adrian never say.

I want to tell uncle,
- don't teach me technical stuff in mandarin/teochew. As yet, my mandarin sucks and I can't differentiate zuo and you.
- don't expect me to remember every mandarin/teochew thing you tell me every week. When all I am interested in is zara, mango, ninewest and gucci.
- don't expect me to act calmly and do according to what those seasoned drivers do and judge the situation perfectly when all those dumbfuckers cut lanes and horn like nobody's business.
- don't expect me to know immediately what the fuck you are trying to yell into my ears, because everything you say, I translate them into English before I can fully comprehend.
- don't expect messages not to be lost in translation.
- don't expect me to be able to multi task the following all at once; translate you instructions in mandarin/hokkien, get the fucking (biting) point, turn the stupid steering wheel, check out my very blind spots, watch out for the cars behind, change gear and ignore those dumbfucker car.
- don't expect me to not worry about the cars behind when their headlights are glaring into my fucking eyes.
- don't expect me to be able to know when to stop, when all you ask me to do is turn right.

I want to tell the fuckers at UBI,
- For the nth time, patience is a fucking virtue. It would not burst your balls to just give way or be patient. You were once a learner for fuck's sake.
- HORN for fuck. Seriously, fuckers who horn should
- So you are a seasoned driver and you can maneuver fantastically in and out of lanes.. But is it really necessary to pull those stunts that you pull?

Don't mess with me,
- when I am the one behind the wheels. I hate it when you nag. Your life is in my hands, you had better treat me with a little bit more respect.
- when I am already trying my best.
- when I am very pissed off as it is.
- when I am the one paying the fees.

You deserve
- yanking of the gear sticks. Because I don't fucking care if it breaks off and you have to pay for it to be repaired.
- your brakes to be totally worn down because I just had to speed up and step down on the brakes hard when I am pissed.
- your fuel consumption increases whenever I have lesson because I cannot stand one more nagging from you.
- I speed up when the traffic lights turn amber. $200 is worth that look on your face.
- the middle finger.

I can't quit because
- it is my dream to drive along the coastal roads at the very (in)famous Great Ocean Road, Melbourne
- it is my dream to at least drive a WRX sti ONCE in my life and get the ultimate adrenaline rush hearing that PSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT sound that turbo-charged cars make.
- to drive the wrx at the Great Ocean Road and piao yi
- to buy a SUV. I am in to SUVs lately. I know, freaking expensive but ultimate sporty looking. No more boring sedans. I want a SUV.
- I need to get my license drive my dad's car back to UBI and HORN at every single one of those fuckers who once either cut in my lane, horn at me, or cause me to brake unintentionally. YES, I remember everyone of you asses.

**this is a backdated post. I wrote this on Thursday, and am feeling better about driving now. Tune in again next Wednesday though with more details.