Putting in more thoughts

I've decided that come weekends, I should do a really long thoughtful piece. Because my entries during the weekdays are so shitlessly brainless I need to do some justice to my SELF.

So here.
A thoughtful piece.

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Blah.

I am going to spend my weekend reading DVC again. Simply because DVC, the movie was so majorly disappointing, I feel I need to do Dan Brown some justice by refreshing my memory of DVC.
It's like, everything was so unimpressive, and he left out loads of major information and even had to cut short some important points. Not that I blame him for cutting them down. Afterall, the darn movie was almost 3 hours long (I think).. It definitely felt like it was 3 hours long. *yawns*
It was truly so boring, I contemplated sleeping.
But nah~ I stayed up awake and caught the whole boring movie. I'd only give this movie 0.5 popcorn. (out of 5)

I was a tad bit miffed by the numerous reports on the papers about this movie. How they like to list out all the "facts" and "fiction", in hope we could get it straight.
Not that I am a staunch believer of DVC (though I seriously adore this book). But it doesn't take a really bright person to know that this book is fiction. As much as the church would like us to think this is rubbish. But honestly, I have to give it to Dan Brown for stepping out and doing something so thoughtful and controversial.

I adore the book not because it brings down the fundamentals of religion (to which I've never really believed in it). But I adore it because it makes you question what has always been. It makes you think. And that in itself is such a powerful thing (for me at least) that I was stumped after I finished the book (in a night, no less). I was so in awe of what the book made me think I really couldn't sleep much. And all I could do was think about the stuff that he brought up. It was not because I believed in the bullocks that he wrote, about how Mary Magdalene's bones are currently buried under the glass pyramid at Lourve.

I was schooled in a catholic school. Being a free-thinker I was probably 1% of the population. Not that I did not think of adopting a religion, but I felt that I was only doing so just to fit in.

What's religion to you?
Some are born into the religion whilst others really believe in it.
I am not saying it's wrong. It's all like politics, everyone's entitled to their own beliefs and faiths. But just what purpose does a religion serves in life?
I believe (and it's only my humble personal opinion), that a religion merely guides a person's path in life. They provide the fundamental moral guidelines for us to follow, just so you'd live a good one. And not be a thorn to society. All religions have a standard moral protocol, whereby if you stick within this framework, you're safe and good. That is, after you die you are guaranteed of life-after-death, living in eternal peace with the almighty God.

I can scarcely believe in it.
It's simple.
When you want your child to be obedient, you hand out some form of rewards, just so they'd know. If they behave in a certain way, they'd be rewarded. Religion's the same.
And for religion to really be universal, you'd have to use the most powerful reward. And to all humans, that's conquering the fear of death.
Once a person die, the thoughts are just as fearful. Whatever happens death? Everyone subconsciously wants to live on and possess the very ability to be conscious or the ability to think. Death ends it all.
Therefore, religion only makes use of this fear in all humans.
Think about it, if this life-after-death thing is taken out of the equation (of religions). Say, you'd meet your respective God for a brief moment after you die, and thereafter you'd just die and fade into nothingness, do you think religions would be so widespread today?

That is also the reason why religions can survive after all these centuries. Because regardless, humans will always possess this innate fear of death (or what happens thereafter).
Say one day, science becomes so advanced and we live on forever. How can we believe in God?
Do you seriously think science will not be able to do that? Life expectancy is getting higher. We're all living it out longer, do you not think that one day, perhaps in the next century, science will be able to prolong our lives even further?

Religion vs Science.
Sometimes research is impeded because people protest against intervening in God's will. They protest against research that would potentially question religion in itself. Because one day, science might just overpower the very basis of God and religions, and everything that is purported in the bible or written in your faith is nullified because of the discoveries that science uncover.

Many centuries ago, without science, people needed something to believe in. They needed something to soothe their fears of the unknown. Death and illness were unknown.
Natural disasters that devastates are the unknown. To all that, they turn to religion for an answer.

Say we do not have science today.
And we have a Tsunami that takes away the lives of thousands.
Would we not have fear?
Would we not wonder?
Would we not have questions?
A religion is created to answer those questions.
They soothe the fears that unanswered questions raise. The greater your fear, the more you'd want to believe.

Dan Brown's DVC did not raise all these points for me.
I've always been a free thinker.
However, Dan Brown did bring up this one point that had me. Because as much as I am never a believer of religions, I never really thought about this.
The Bible like history is merely written by man.
They can write, whatever they choose to write. How can you base your beliefs on the history recorded by someone as human as you and I?

And I never really gave that much thought. Until DVC.

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This entry constitutes as a long thoughtful piece.
I feel I've done enough justice for the week's inactivity.

People's been asking me about my work.
I can't really give a forthright answer, and I don't know why.

As much as I honestly like my job, the stuff is just a little overwhelming at the moment. So many things to learn and remember. I just cannot seem to absorb it all as fast as I would want.
But other than that, I have a great working environment. And when I mean great, it means I look at my workspace and I feel a little sense of satisfaction. I like what I see. The whole zen environment makes me feel comfortable. The fact that the shopfloor is right next door gives me a very great sense of belonging and satisfaction. I love my company. (and it's not because of the discounts) But I finally feel I am part of something big.

I just wish I could skip all these and be there THERE.
You know?

What I do not like however, is the fact that I have to change to fit into this environment that I so love.
I feel the need to upgrade, to be there THERE to be like my fellow colleagues. I cannot help but feel like an odd bird in the flock. I cannot help but try hard to fit in. And to fit in, I need to change, which is a tad bit disconcerting.
And when I say I am indulging in designers because I have to, I really mean it.
This is a change which I am still trying to reconcile with.
Because if you know me, you'd know I am a very down-to-earth person.
Floating up THERE makes me uncomfortable.

So I am NOT ok, simply because I am still stuck in this "not here, nor there" phase. Whereby I am still deliberating if I should be changing, and if this change is going to be a good one for me in the long run.
I still like my cheap bags and shoes you know?
I just cannot seem to fit into the environment whereby everyone owns at TWO designer wallets and buys shoes that are worth like $800. (yes baby. Even after discount it's still $200)
And I thought ninewest was IT enough already.

Succintly, I love my job but I am struggling to fit in.
I no longer find joy in retail therapy anymore. Because everytime I come across a good buy, I wonder if it really is good enough.
Girls will know that it's a major killjoy.