The Heartbreak Cycle

I had actually wanted to skip blogging today.
Because I am tramautized enough by my driving lesson today am very tired I don't know if I can wake up on time tomorrow.
In fact, I had not even planned to come online. But the moment I did I am naturally hooked.

One of my friend, let's call him A.
He's recently (or maybe not that recent) fell out of love. He begun relating his heartfelts lately via MSN, and I find it hauntingly familiar. Quite some time ago, well actually a very long time ago, I actually think I did feel the same like he did. And it just led me to think.
Is this all a coincidence?

I don't think so.
Thus, ladies and gentlemen. I hereby present you my Heartbreak Cycle theory.
I believe everyone goes through the same cycle albeit spending varying times on each phase.

Phase One: The shock
When your partner call it quits (usually, people who undergoes the Heartbreak Cycle are the ones dumped), you will go into a moment of shock. I don't know how long this would take. It really depends on individual.
Some will take like 3 sec and go, "HUH? You want to break up with me?", others will go, "Huh what?" then maybe 2 days later go, "you want to break up with me!?!".
But everyone goes through that shock, regardless how much you anticipated that break.

Phase Two: The begging.
Some would skip this phase altogether because they claim they have "pride" but really, that's just because they are too afraid of being stuck perpetually in the shock phase and hear the words of rejection over and over again.
The braver ones would first start off light. They drop a few sms / or emails depending and ask if they could still work out something. It always start off light. As the days trudge on, many will tend to up it by a couple of notches. And soon, you'd find the dumpee wailing into the phone calling for that ex-partner to take him/her back.
But like phase one, the duration of this phase varies. Furthermore, there are several contributing factors to Phase Two, partner's level of understanding and tolerance are just 2 of many.

Phase Three: The I-hate-you
After your ex-partner refuses to a truce and insists on going separate ways you'd increasingly start to fume. The shock long having worn off, you now enter the stage whereby you loathe the guy/girl whom you once idolise.
You'd start to see the ugliest side of that person, and instead of begging or cooking up ways to win the heart of your partner back to your side, you'd focus all thoughts on his/her ugliest side.
You spend your time indulging in thoughts such as, "Oh man, what a fucking loser he/she is. How can he be so old yet lazy? What kind of man/woman is he/she?
Etc etc. I am sure I do not need to elaborate further on this.
This becomes accumulative. Your first few days into this phase, you'd think about each bad trait only briefly. Soon, all the stories accumulate and traits that you are actually unsure of initially becomes a confirmed fact. Everytime your friend as about your ex-partner, your face scrunge up and you'd frown. Inwardly and/or outwardly you'd say, "what? that fucker? He/she's dead."

As much as the duration of this phase is also dependent. I would say it is rather uniform in the fact that it is not a short termed thing. It will usually drag on for months and often years.
So much so, the face of that person becomes vague and hazy, but the bad traits become clearer and more defined with time.

Phase Four: Sex for Thrill
** This phase runs almost concurrently as phase three. Fuelled with hate, they will propel forward in search of more or new avenues for sex.
This phase is more likely for the boy dumpees. That is, boys who have been dumped. Although this is also prevalent in girls, let's just say it is not that common.
When a person is dumped, non-virgins especially would head out to party. When I say party, it goes along the lines of orgies, ons, prostituting etc. They like to think that they are now free to do whatever they want. And somehow strangely for the guys freedom to them means they get to sleep with whoever they think are worthy (read: big boobs and hot bods)
Some may even indulge in thoughts such as how sex with another could fill the "void left behind by the girl" or how it "rejuvenates the soul". Yada yada.
But we all know how it is (at least the girls do), when you've been dumped it will take a while before you become accustomed to the hand once more. Thus, any girl, any girl at all will fill in fine.
Boys. (shakes head)
I am sure there are a handful of girls who will enter this phase as well. Because I don't speak ill of my kind, I really shall not comment. But trust me, there are some girls who think like boys.

Phase Five: Marriage is taboo.
Almost everyone who had been dumped before, would definitely reach this phase. This happens almost at the same time as Phase Three, when you harbour deep hatred for your ex partner you will almost severe all thoughts of marriage (to anybody for that matter) altogether. Somehow, this strange phenomenon starts off with a strong disbelief in marriage after being dumped. The dumpee on top of express hatred will also at the same time declare their loss in faith for marriage. Exclamations such as "I don't want to get married!" and "I don't believe in marriage" are common.
They will nobely prefer to be swingingly single than to be tied down to another relationship once more. This can simply be explained.
When you are in a relationship and you're in love (well, I would assume you ARE in love when you are in a relationship) you would inevitably think forward towards the future. Not necessarily all rosy and pinky thoughts that the girls indulge in. But subconsciously a false sense of comfort envelopes you like a warm blanket. You begin to assume that your partner would become a permanent fixture in your life even though you never planned for the future.
Then comes a day when your warm blanket disappears. You become furious and proclaim your distrust. You'd never believe or allow yourself to be vulnerable again.
The same goes for relationship. When your partner, someone you love disappears altogether suddenly. You hate, and you start trying to protect yourself from future pain. You condition your brain and heart to think that you will not accept the notions of marriage anymore. Just so you would appear stronger on the outside.
But we all know, this is just a sad facade you maintain to prevent others from seeing your pain.

Phase Six: Fading memories
I've blogged about this quite in depth sometime ago. (I think at www.xanga.com/trixyy). I can't really remember. But anyhow, very briefly, this is just a phase whereby memories start to slowly fade away. You carry on with your life albeit painfully. And it comes one day when you attempt to look back and you realise memories have already faded somehow without warning.
You cannot recall the face of that ass who dumped you, nor can you even remember the happy memories that ass once gave you. Everything starts to fade slowly away from you.
And from time to time when you do still think back. All that's left is the bittersweet aftertaste.

This phase is the final phase of this heartbreak cycle theory of mine. How long one takes to reach this phase is highly subjective. Although I know everybody would hope to skip all the stages altogether and reach this final stage of the heartbreak cycle.

But from experience, I think each phase is individually important, and we should not rush through each process. Because then, the heartbreak will feel incomplete.
Everyone learn from lessons. What is important at the end of the day, is not how long you took to reach the final stage, nor how long you took to get over each individual stages. Instead what is however important is how thoroughly you went through and finish each stage completely without leaving traces.
Say you are at stage three, and you think. Oh, let's just put that I-hate-you aside and focus on other things, not think about the hatred or restraining it.
Ultimately you will not feel complete because as your memories are fading away at the end of the entire cycle, you will still harbour that faint thoughts of hatred. Which really isn't good.

Although I've said we should all go through each individual stage.
Please don't be mistakened. Let me just correct this here; The Phase Four: Sex for Thrill is subjective.
Although boys will indulge in a more physical aspect of human interaction. The girls (and perhaps some boys) will indulge in a less physical aspect. That is, the widening of social circles and getting to know heaps of other people, mostly people from the opposite sex.
Thus, even though girls do not engage in sexual activities at Phase Four, they will however be busy widening their social circles and befriending as many single boys out there as possible.

You may agree or disagree with this Heartbreak Cycle Theory of mine.
But to those hearbreakees out there, Phase Six, the coveted stage will eventually come.

Disclaimer: My theories are based on personal experience as well as that of those collected from friends. This forms a personal opinion of which I am not liable if you do not relate to the above mentioned phases. Furthermore, please do not come hollering at me if you do not or have yet to reach Phase Six. (it really aint my frickin problem)

I am very tired.