Saturday

I feel crippled.
There are a great many reasons for me to shift. But yet, there are also a great many reasons telling me I should stay.
This inertia is killing me.
Because everytime I wonder if I should be logging into xanga or blogger.

The mind is not very clear once again.

F*ck.

We've had a series of farewell lunches lately.
As much as this is my first time having these farewell lunches, I hope I will never have to go through any of these again.

1. The farewell speeches are so darn fake.
I would like to thank XXX and YYY, and how they blend so well into the department.
I don't know about you, but for me, I'd rather not make a speech for the sake of making a speech. If you have something to say that is from your heart, say it. If you are saying things from your ass because you have to, you'll morph into a big fat ass one day.

2. Farewell gifts are a headache.
I plan on only giving my immediate supervisor a gift. Because she is afterall the one whom I've learnt a great many things from. It ranges from parenting to philosophies in life and work. All of which I am so grateful for. Therefore, it is from my heart that I want to give her something she would remember me for. The rest of the people? Let's just say I am not that much an ass person. Sorry.

3. Farewell lunches are boring.
We've had 3 so far. And they are always the same.
Split into 2 tables eat, laugh at a few lame jokes, ask who's got a job and who haven't, promises to buy each other lunch etc.

4. Everyone assumes I am very rich now.
Yes, the ones reading this blog included. I have my severance, yes it is enough to keep me happy for awhile. But no, I will not be buying anybody lunch or dinner for that matter. They are going to sit and grow.

5. I've grown accustomed to all the food around my current workplace. Leaving them will so kill me.
What? No more Ice milo dinosaur in the morning from Mr Teh Tarik? (they have the most awesome Ice milos)
What? No more "Ah Hai sliced fish bee hoon soup"? The owners know me so well, I just need to show my face regardless of the queue, indicate "one" with my right hand, and they'd know I don't want bittergourd in my food, and they'd pack extra chilli for me. And I always get my food before the rest, because I buy their noodles about twice a week.
What? No more big cup honeydew milk for $2?
I am just very the depressed about the food part.
Tell me what am I going to eat at Scotts?

One week left.
Depressed is me.

I had a blasting good time yesterday.
That is before I got all too tired and can't remember like 70% of what happened.
I need to stay away from all that booze for a while now.

Sometimes I wish there were easy solutions to problems.
Like if we sleep on a problem, and the next day it becomes forgotten.
Just like that.
But the sad truth is.
Sleeping on a problem will only make it bigger.

As much as I hope things could go back to what they have been like.
It is not possible anymore.
You broke it.
I look at you, and all I see are unfulfilled promises.