world wide web and me

I am beginning to loathe the internet and the triple w (world wide web). This, I reckon is one of the sure few signs of aging in modern times. (not those fine lines)

I remember a time when I loved the internet, and all the wonders it bring.

Instantaneous connection with friends overseas meant I could email my friend in Perth instead of writing letters religously and killing trees just to ask "how's life down under". Gone were the days where we wrote on letter pads, scrap pieces of paper, faxed letters etc etc. Now, with a simple click of the button, we get to ask each other "how's life". Over the years, the novelty of fast communication wears off. When you read off a particularly warm greeting in front of the monitor in those atypical fonts, the purpose of that greeting seemed somewhat lost and impersonal. You know the person means well, but somehow you just cannot feel it.
Once inawhile, on special occasions, my friend in Perth still sends me cards. And I tell you, seeing the handwritten greeting is way different from reading it off the computer. As much as I indulged in it, I was never conscientious enough to repay that thoughtfulness and send one back to her.

Which brings me to the point that internet (and/or technology) breeds laziness. Perhaps this only applies to me. But, because I've grown so comfortable with the speed of internet as well as the convenience. I hardly think twice about sending an ecard (or sms) instead of those real cards to anyone anymore. Especially so when others (like me) do not reciprocate the thoughtfulness. I begin to wonder, if I continue to not send my friend in Perth cards and instead send e-cards/sms on her birthday and Christmas, would she one day grow tired of it and stop sending me those cards? I think she would. (which is why I should start stocking up on Christmas cards now)

However lazy we become on the internet the tradeoff I guess is the ability to network with friends you'd probably not keep within your networks if not for the internet. As much as we are lazy to connect with that one or two very special friend in a personal way, instead we become connected with a very large group of friends (who seemed like acquaintances if you ask me). See sites like Friendster, Multiply, WAYN, Myspace, wholivesnearyou, nightlife.sg etc. Suddenly, you get to find the friends that you lost contact with or only remembered by name (and nothing else). I believe friendster was created primarily so you could link up with friends whom you've lost contact with or search for your primary/nursery/secondary school mates and keep them within your network, just so you'd know what's still going on in their lives.
Later, I guess everything else happened. You begin to realise how those friends are connected to you in your network. Who knew who and who's remotely connected to you bla bla bla.
Everyone of those sites are somewhat the same. But I cannot help but think these sites become just yet another ugly creation. Because you have the weirdest sorts now attempting to connect to you. You open your life through all the numerous profiles you create to the literally the world. Inviting yourself to unsolicited attention.

The "Hi, can I be your friend" statement reached a different level. The internet makes it easy now to "make friends" for some and "get laid" for others.

Nevertheless, I rely very much on the internet these days to keep me entertained. Because the internet is my only confidante these days. When I am so darn upset about anything in particular, my first instinct is not to pick up the phone and call my friends. Instead, I blog (sometimes privately). When I have nothing to do (especially at work these days) I surf the net. This makes it all suddenly very scary. Because the internet opens the door to the world of the strange. Imagine the world before internet. How we are all cooped in our little space, worrying less about the world around. You understand the world less, unless you thirst for knowledge is that insatiable and you seek out every possible strand of information (which is very unlikely). Now, when world news at your fingertips, depressing news seem to plague you.

I try to keep up with news, not because I want or am knowledgeable. I am just bored out of my mind, and just very curious. But often when I read about how bird flu is causing yet another death in a very distant country, or how terrorists continue to lob bombs at the innocent (or the Government), alleged murders in those most gruesome fashion, natural disasters hitting the unsuspecting hardworking individuals.. the bad news seem somewhat endless. It is only fitting that I ponder about those days before the internet surfaced, before information became so accessible would I have easily obtained information on the plight of the world around me? Would I be this much affected by the news around? Would I detest the internet the way I detest it now?
Without the internet, I would have been ignorant, and ignorance is always bliss.

Sometimes I get caught in my own petty existence.
I think, why the fuck am I not earning big money, buying designer bags, dining in the uptown, drinking champagne and enjoying the high-life, like I always imagined growing up to be. I get caught in my little black hole thinking I have every right to be depressed because my life ain't going right.
I get so caught up in that, I forget about the gabillions who are worse off than I am.

Whine about not having the dough to splurge on designer clothes/bags. The poor starve for days.
Whine about not having that latest gadget. The poor sleep on the ground.
Whine about not having aircon installed at home. The poor freeze at night without clothes to keep them warm.
Whine about not having that chanel shades. The poor can't read and write.

Everytime I think I am depressed, I think to myself my little problems are insignificant to those of others. Why should I need to seek help, speak to someone else when I am dwelling over matters like these. My problems are never too big. Think twice, when you think yours are.

The internet, the blogsphere, the community.
The very purpose seem somewhat diluted now. I guess when the folks invented the internet, they never expected things to turn out this way. Or perhaps they did, then they should have asked themselves if this one invention shelved off. Because with technology (and the internet), the quality of life changed so drastically and I just can't keep up.

Life starts to be measured by the tangibles and the materials. I demand fast connection because I can. I demand emails to be written and read within the hour because I can. I demand for work to be completed, problems resolved immediately because I can. I demand to purchase goods overseas at a cheaper price because I can. I demand for free music and not buy CDs to support the hardwork of others because I can. I demand to watch movies downloaded off the internet and not pay to feed the fledging industry because I can.

Maybe I don't change with the times or I am not adaptable.
Sometimes the change gets abit too skewed for me. I am just not comfortable.
I yearn for the times when quality time is spent on things that are truly important. I want to take the time to write long heartwarming letters to those that mean so much to me and send them out. I want to open my letter box and be surprised by the greetings of another. I want to spend quality time with the one I loved without the distraction of the phone, the computer, etc.

I want to connect with the world in my own way, without technology.
** Yes, who the fuck am I kidding once again when I am here writing this BLOG.