That one day in my life

Let it go down in (my) history, that yesterday was one of my worst days in my life. That said, it is comforting though to know that today cannot (and will not) get any worse. Unless of course I ram my driving instructor's car into the huge truck in front of me. As much as I need the excitement, I doubt at 40km/h I can do much damage.

Boy am I optimistic on days like these..

How can your day not be bad when..
1. You are plagued with funny dreams during those small naps you take (on the train home and when I finally reached home)
2. You switch on your computer in the evening and realise that the screen is blank. After restarting the computer a couple of times the screen displays but nothing is stable.
3. During the time when your computer is cranky, you frantically dial a certain helpline. For 40 mindfucking minutes all you do is stare at your computer and dial the helpline waiting for an answer.
4. You panic further because being such a lazyass you fail to backup all that mp3s, pictures, documents and bla bla bla on your computer (which amounts to 9 gig worth of files)
5. When the helpline finally gets through, all you receive is crap, causing you to feel worse about your situation than you already are feeling.
6. Every fucking thing starts with me. It's always about me being yada yada. Ya.. riiighhhhttt. I so need this.
7. You get a mysterious bugger visiting and tagging your blog but NOT willing to reveal his/her identity. Honestly, this whole secrecy thing totally fucks with your mind can? As swell and as noble your reasoning may behold, let me tell you once again. IT FUCKS WITH YOUR MIND alright? So whoever you are, clean up your act and email me NOW. (trixyy@gmail.com). Why is it this always must happen to me?

Let me paint you a situation about that 40 mindfucking minutes and the incidents thereafter that led to much frustration. This is just an analogy. But go think about it.

--
Let's just say I am suicidal (I am only sometimes).
Out of sheer desperation/frustration/anger/whatever, you pick up the phone and call the helpline for victims of depression. You dial for 40 mindfucking minutes and finally, the line gets through. (why you haven't yet commit suicide is another story for another day).

And the conversation goes,


Depressed AND suicidal (DAS) : Why did it take so long to get through?
Helpline volunteer (HV) : Because I was -insert excuses here-
DAS : whatever
HV : rattling on about the above mentioned excuse
DAS : ya ok.
HV : I really was -insert excuse here-
DAS : YA OK. WHATEVER
HV : why are you so frustrated that I never pick up the phone? I was -insert excuse here-
DAS : ....
HV : so what happened?
DAS : I want to die.
HV : what did you do to your life?? (can also be read as, "how the fuck did you screw up your life?"
DAS : ...
- line went dead-

--
This is a classic case, of reaching out for a helping hand, and that helping hand slaps you instead. I am sick to the max of having people think I am just a bad tempered and always frustrated individual all the time. I hate it when people point their fingers at me and say, "you are screwed, that is why you are like that". It's like saying, "you are stupid that's why you are always depressed and angry". I admit I have little control over my emotions, but when you are always sparking my temper off, the problem probably lies in you. It doesn't take a smartass to reflect and wonder that. But it takes a self-centred dumbfuck to point fingers at others.

I honestly don't give a fuck anymore.
(No soother, this doesn't apply to you. Please EMAIL ME and tell me just who the FUCK you are NOW)

Why is it I get this nagging feeling today isn't as any better than yesterday?
Perhaps crashing into a tree later is not such a bad idea.

Disclaimer :
- If you are from the Traffic Police Department, I am only kidding, please don't take me seriously.
- If you are from the Depression Helpline, I didn't call that helpline and receive that kinda comments, the conversation never existed and I have utter faith nobody in the right frame of mind would say insensitive crap like that, except for some dumbfucks who think they are the greatest in this sodding world.
- If you are offended by my lack of discretion and use of vulgarities, fuck off, I've already deleted a huge chunk away because I was insanely mad earlier.
- If you are dumbfuck and you are reading this, I don't belong to your world, so you ain't the greatest.