Sleep becomes my only escape.

Just when you think days can't get any worse, it always do.
I don't know if there is some hidden mechanism somewhere. As soon as you start to think things won't get any worse in your life, "CLICK!" Everything just becomes bad thereafter. Worse than you ever could imagine.

I am tired of living life.
I really am.
And sleep becomes my only escape from tears.
Every waking moment isn't worth being awake for.
So what then becomes the point of being awake?

Yesterday was my 8th driving lesson.
And it is the first time I feel, I just couldn't do this anymore.
I love to drive. I honestly do.
But I think I am just not up for it.

I cannot have driving lessons in mandarin anymore.
It is not my fucking fault if you give me the wrong instructions.
It is not my fucking fault if you cannot speak even the simplest of mandarin
It is not my fucking fault if I cannot understand your mandarin.
It is not my fucking fault I "step on brake" as a "stop" altogether.
You don't have to burst at me, even though there are cars all behind. Perhaps others said you are patient, maybe it is just me once again. I bring out the worse in people. You can be patient as a saint with other students but not with me. Simply because I am me.

Why is it, everything wrong in life seems to be my fucking fault?

And why can't anyone understand?
After you burst up like that and make me feel utterly stupid nothing else thereafter redeems it ok? It becomes a joke when after that, should you choose to speak more kindly.
Maybe it's just me.
But if you screw me up once. I will hate you for the rest of my fucking life.

I am giving it all up.
Just so tired.

I am so sick of this whiny ol' me, so I am abandoning this blog of mine and going private. If you're going to miss me. Then you are just sick. Because you are totally indulging in my misery. (I am so kidding about the indulging part)
I am sick of myself.
How great.
Where do I find that building to leap now?

C'est la vie.
(ok, I think it's only me)