Initial E

I am dazed.
Through and through.
I replay the past few hours in the head and I am still wondering.. just what the fuck is wrong with me.
I must be crazy to think I can actually go through with this.

You would think so too.
If you drove a frickin CAR on your first driving lesson.

I must have been feeling suicidal lately.
That is the only plausible reason for why I keep thinking I'd like to finally get my driving license after 3 long years.
I barely studied for my basic theory.
Traffic lights, I can manage. Zebra crossing I can tell. Red Amber Green, not a problem.
Moving vehicle, yours truly behind the wheel? I literally leaped off the seat after lesson and puked in the grass patch.
(ok, no I didn't, but almost)

Excuse me.
Did you lose me there when I said I barely passed my basic, never studied?
Three years was a long time, never studied for basic was real. So tell me, how else is it possible for me to even want to learn driving?
Suicidal thoughts are really the only obvious enough reason.
I took my depression too lightly. Subconsciously I think I really want to d-i-e.

Clutch/Brake/Accelerator
I understand.
Depress clutch to change gear? I read
Brake to stop moving vehicle? I read
Depress accelerator to move? I read

I really should praise myself for dutifully reading the Final Theory book a before bedtime. Now I must remember to finish reading the entire book this weekend before Tuesday. I might not be able to withstand another heartstopping action. Imagine if I never read about the clutch/brake/accelerator bullshit. I might have crashed into some tree today.

First lesson, I assumed was a monkey see monkey do thing.
Uncle do, I see.
Next lesson? My turn.
Wrong.
No introduction to the parts of the car.
No hi, this is the brake, that is the accelerator, this is the wiper, that is the bla bla bla

5 minutes into the lesson I was cruising off behind the wheel down the road.

Uncle said: bu yao jing zhang! (Don't panic in mandarin)
I say: How the fuck you want me to not panic uncle? When the car is moving?

Clutch / Brake / Accelerator
In my haziest daze I would still be able to pick those words up.
But in uncle's dictionary?
It's Lear (for gear) / Blake (for Brake) / You2 (for accelerator)
It took me one round our mini circuit, one time car stalling and plenty of heart stops to finally understand his lingo.

We have communication issues.
Driving is already tough.
It becomes tougher when uncle speaks mandarin/teochew.
I struggle to understand.
It becomes even more freaky when I struggle to understand on the freaking road, with real cars / bus / trucks / van / people.
I reached a point, where uncle told me in mandarin to turn left and I signalled right. When uncle urgently pointed that out just before I was about to turn (or rather he was about to turn, cos he was controlling the steering wheel, whilst me legs were depressing and what not).. I frantically yelled at uncle and told him NOT TO USE zou3 and you4 for left /right. Instead to tell me in english whether I should turn left or right because I ain't good at that zou/you thing.. ESPECIALLY NOT SO when you are under immense stress ok.

Uncle said : Bu you zhua tai jing (don't grab the steering wheel so tightly)
I said: ... (I didn't say)
What? You expect me to take this as a stroll in the park? Excuse me uncle, if you haven't yet realised, this is my rollercoaster ride ok. I grab onto the steering wheel very tightly to prevent myself from banging my head onto the window in fright.

I use to think I am an accomplished multi-tasker.
I can read, eat and watch tv all at the same time. (don't ask how)
I know now, I am not.

Check the side mirror, look out for cars, depress accelerator, release clutch, think straight, listen to the instructions in mandarin.
How do you expect me to do all that at the same time?
You must be insane to think it is ever possible.
Half the time I am frantically trying to keep my eye on the needle of the I-have-no-idea-what-that-meter-is-called meter and make sure I don't accelerate and crash into some poor sod's car in front. So tell me, how do you want me to make sure I check my side mirror for cars, turn the steering wheel and steer the car to the correct position all at the same time?

I remember when my friend came to pick me up in his car.
I rattled on.. talking and talking.
And he said, not to talk to him when he is driving.. cos he need to concentrate.
I laughed and told him he that is atypical of MEN. They CANNOT multi-task to save their lives.
You know what?
Now, when my friend drive, I think I will be as silent as a church mouse.

My legs are cramping now ok, from trying to so fucking gently step on the accelerator.
I have retarded legs. I know it.

This is one expensive suicide I tell you.
Took 1/2 a days leave and blew $200 on 5 practical lessons, 1 final theory and 1 PDL.
I could have easily blew that money on shoes ok.
But no, instead, I spent it on my very own suicide.

Gah.
My next lesson is on Tuesday.
I can't decide if I should break an arm or a leg.