Backtrack

I realise I wrote the following and did not post in the end.
I cannot remember why.
All I do remember was, at the end of the post, I dissolved into tears.

Tell me, how can I be happy once more?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For my annual dinner on Friday.
Our big boss asked us to think of one wish.

10 years ago.
(omfg, am I that old already??)
I remember asking someone, if he had three wishes what would it be. (I have a knack for remmebering irritating small facts like that)
We all had simple wishes 10 years ago, as we age and mature (hopefully) our wishes tend to change with time. If I were to ask that same person the same question today.
Would the answer be the same?
With age comes responsibilities.
I guess as we all grow up, our wants and needs grows.
Everything just becomes more complex.

Anyhow, very sadly, I've lost contact with this someone, and I cannot ask the same question.

Anyhow, let me not digress.
As I was saying, my big boss told us a week ago to think of one wish for 2006.

I thought about it, and I had ready answers.
Because this is one question I think about from time to time.
I just didn't like to be caught in the situation, like when someone pushes a birthday cake with a candle right in my face and ask me to make a wish.
I don't know about you.. But I get really panicky in such situations, and make wishes haphazardly, which I will come to regret later. Because I would be like wasting a wish.
So really, everybody should have a ready wish, so when they are caught in situations like that, they'd know.

It happened to me once, when I was in Thailand many many years back.
I happened to throw a coin right smack into a bowl in the middle of a wishing well.
This according the tourguide, was a very very lucky thing. And the wish I made prior to throwing the coin would definitely come true.
Being the young and innocent girl I was, I almost cried when I realise I actually wasted my one wish on something so superficial.
No, I will not divulge that one wish. But thereafter, I couldn't help but wish I wished for something better.
Thereafter, I actually promised from then on.. everytime I am asked to make a wish, I would wish good health for the ones I love. So nobody dies, and I won't get to lose a loved one.
Immature it is.
Everyone dies.
But till today, I cannot help but make that same wish time after time.

So when my boss asked us to tell everybody our one wish for 2006 during our annual dinner at Fullerton.
I wished for the same wish that I always have floating in my mind.
That my loved ones, and colleagues (I had to add colleagues because they were at the dinner) would be happy and healthy.

Because health and happiness is the most important thing in life.
And I just want the people around me, especially the ones I love, treasure and adore to be happy and healthy.

That is my general wish.
And I told my colleagues that.

But somehow, something my boss said made me think I wasted my wish once again.
She shared her wish.
And she wished that one of our colleagues (the driver) will get well again.

It suddenly reminded me of ah ma.
And I asked myself, why didn't I wish for her to get better.

I felt guilty.
Real guilty.

It got me thinking about ah ma all over again.

Ask me again.
Let me remake my wish for this year.
Please.

I wish ah ma will remember me again.

No world peace for me.
No economic growth.
I still want happiness and good health for the ones around me.

But I guess I want nothing more than for my grandma to look at me in the eyes and remember me and love me like she once did.
Don't tell me:
She will remember you in her heart and love you still even though she cannot remember you bla bla bla
Define love for me will you?