I envy others alot.
No one in particular. Just others.
I like to think it's because I am insecure, that's why I tend to envy others and never contented with myself.
Don't be mistakened, I don't envy one for the material wealth he/she possess.
I envy the happiness that one feels without material wealth.
That is, they are satisfied and truly sated with the intangible things in life.
Like love and laughter.
So if you are glowing with love and laughing heartily, stay away.

When I hear my own laughter I am conscious about it.
It often feels fake.
Like it was forced out from the throat and not from the heart.
Laughter, should come from the heart.

A friend of mine is in Australia now for a short training stint.
The past few times I see him online, he asked
So how are you?
I think for abit, and I realise I don't really have an answer.
I don't know how I feel.

Am I supposed to?
I don't know how I am. I am just living life as it comes.
I am not happy nor sad.
I am just living it.

Is happiness a choice?
I reckon it is.
For me, it's either I choose to live it as it is, dark and sad
OR
I can choose to be happy (and build a facade, wear a mask)

That is choosing to be happy.

GAHHhhhh

Perhaps retail therapy later will do me good.
Please do me good.