Sometimes..

It saddens me.
How sometimes I evaluate my current situation.. and realise that say 5 years ago, what I have envisioned is just not happening.
Its like, I thought life would be as such, but after evaluation. Life is just not like what it seems or should be. Does that happen to you? Or is it just me?

At 23 years, and I feel jaded. And strangely, I am not sure what I am feeling jaded about. Life's just become so monotonous. It seems not to be headed anywhere. Everyday just passes like it's supposed to be. Perhaps maybe carebear is right. I should set goals to achieve, then life would seem more fulfilling when I achieve those goals along the way. But then again, if life does not pan out the way you plan most of the time. What is the point in planning? When perhaps life may take an alternate path altogether.

Sigh.
I am tired of thinking.
Sick of wondering if my decisions are right.
People's been asking if this is what I want (my present job).
Am I going to carve a career out of it. Or is this just a transitory stage.
I don't know really.
Its difficult to decide if this is where my passion lies.

And I think its important to follow passion than money.
Everybody around me is unsettled, and it disturbs me. Not that I am blaming the people around me. But it sets me thinking of stuff that I never thought more deeply about.
Say 8 out of 10 friends are contemplating switching jobs, some to entirely different scopes. And it worries me because I am afraid I have been missing out on something. Or that I've just been plainly too lazy to think about my situation. Therefore, by the time I realise that perhaps I should do something about my career, everything's too late.

Passion vs money.
I think the debate's neverending.
After 6 months at work, I still strongly believe that passion overrules.
Being passionate about your work makes you a happier person. Don't you think so?
Although one may argue that money would make you a happy person as well. But then again, to earn the money, you drag you 2 feet to work every morning, for the rest of your life... Is it seriously worth it?
I guess the reason why many are unhappy with their jobs, is probably because they are not passionate about their work.
Its hard to follow a passion.
But following a passion makes me happy girl.
So I guess why not....

Anyhow, the unsettlement of my friends, plus the fact that my only friend at work left the company to stay home because she couldn't take the shit at work any longer, got me thinking real hard. Because I am presently doing something totally unrelated to what I've studied, its inevitable that I start wondering what it would really be like if I did something related.
And so, I spent days after days just daydreaming, and thinking if I should start flipping recruit, surf the web and plan a job hop.

I thought and I thought.
And well, I guess not.
I am still happy with my present job.
In fact, I am beginning to feel a teeny bit sad about the merge.
Because that means changes and uncertainty looms ahead, and although I've studied all that crap in school and should be more or less prepared for change and uncertainty.. I am just.. not.

Bah.

I am an escapist.
Let's just leave serious thinking till another day.

I had a great great great weekend.
Though the friendster (who-viewed-your-profile) disturbed the hell out of me, I guess we (my friends and I) got over that.
And I realise how everybody seems to blog about that new feature as if it was a bad thing. Also, they started to become real defensive about their visits. Its funny though, how everybody seems to be so defensive about their actions. Well, not that I am saying I am not or I have nothing to want to defend. I just feel its strange. Because we should all know by now, that Singaporeans are by far the most kaypoh people around. So what is so strange about kaypohing around friendster? Nothing to be surprised about what.
Ok, I am not, really.

I just realised last night, that we have just another 2 more months before the end of the year.
This is freakish.
I remember very very vividly what I did on New Year's day still.
How can time pass so fast?
Remind me to check the mirror everyday now for wrinkles.
Sigh..