Obituaries

I use to love reading obituaries.

Obituaries: a notice of death

Not sure why I developed this real strange and morbid habit.. But I remember how when I was young, I would flip to the obituaries and go through each of them fervently. I'd look at the faces of the deceased and ask: " so what kind of life did this person live? what did he/she die of? How many loved ones did he/she leave behind? Did she suffer when he/she breathed her last? Was it like the movies where he/she lies in bed and the entire family surrounds and weep. Often, there are the few young ones. And i'd just wonder.. How can one die so young? So who did he/she leave behind? What did he/she die off? Was it suicide? And a million of possibilities.

Also, I'd like to go through all the names listed of the loved ones that were left behind.. and see if I knew anyone of the living. I cannot understand why I keep doing that, but I just do everytime I flip the papers.
Well, yes I enjoyed it..

And I believe I enjoy obituaries because it provides as a platform for me to just spark off my imagination train. The possibilities are endless. And more often than not, I'd spend a good half hour or so, just looking at the pictures and wondering.

But as I grew older.. The habit died away. Not because I lost interest in it.. But more likely because obituaries scare me.
When will I see my loved ones in the obituaries? When will I see my obituary?
Thus, I refrain from flipping to the obituaries to indulge (what a word). But really.
Because lately, the obituaries of the fairly young folks frighten me.. How can one die so young?

For me, I feel that dying before the age of 35 is wayyyyy too young.
There are so many things left unfufilled.
Then again, even at the age of 85, I'd still think that life's too short.

I hate it when people claim if you have led a meaningful life, you could easily leave the face of this Earth.
Its just not right.
As much as sometimes I whine endlessly about how I am just so tired of my life, tired of living bla bla bla. I don't ever want to die young.
How can I want to give up life? Give up the chance to whine about how shitty life is?
For when I kick the bucket, I lose the ability to even diss life.