Another dilemma

I was about to switch my mind off and do some reading.
When I suddenly remembered this, and just had to blog about it before I forget (age is catching up on me)

I have a new colleague coming in this Thursday.
Initially, I was really really excited. Because my friend is leaving my company at the end of this month (her last day is on my birthday, how apt). And I am just yearning for someone else that I hope I can get along with. Although she is like almost twice my age. I am still harbouring some little hope, that she is easy to get along with. Or at least pleasant enough to lunch and gossip with.

For the past few weeks, my boss (the SMR) had been very very mang zhang about it. I guess the closest I can describe that is irritated? But if you know the meaning of mang zhang, its easier.

I was puzzled. I tried to influence her to be neutral.
I don't like it when she casts a judgement on someone who haven't even started work. And I don't wish for history to repeat, and she start being mean once more to our new colleague and drive her off for good.
So I tried my best and was deemed as optimistic.

Today, when she received the induction program for the new colleague, she snapped.
Perhaps seeing the long list of items that she has to go through to train the new colleague made her mad.

However, more importantly, she finally confided something that I personally felt very very disturbing.

Believe it or not, she recommended me for a promotion.
She asked for me to be trained in the position that they were hiring (at that time) instead. And had actually pushed for me to be given the opportunity to be groomed as a merchandiser, and not just an assistant.

When she told me that.
I had mixed feelings though.

Without doubt, I was so goddamn glad that she actually saw so highly of me. And the fact that usually, opportunities like this came only when an assistant has reasonable amount of experience. However, perhaps because there was an available opening in my department, my boss actually recommended that I should be given the chance to move up.
I was really really darn happy then.
On the other hand, in that single moment I also had to deal with the fact that this did not, and will never fall through now.

Because my fucking manager could not convince our MD, that this was the best for our department. And that they should employ someone with experience instead.

I was so goddamn crushed can.
It was all that I had hoped for.
To be given more responsibilities, to learn more, to finally get to learn new stuff!!! (and in a small part hoping for a comfortable pay raise)

None of that fucking went through.

The worse part now is.
I am stuck knowing that the new girl unknowingly robbed my opportunity to go one level up. She killed my chances of that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Fuck can.
How now do you expect me to be neutral.
Especially when my boss hates her too.
How now do you expect me to lunch with her?
Especially when I hope she will quit in a month's time, just so I will perhaps be given the job this time.

HOW HOW HOW.

Some part of me wish that my boss never told me about it.
Another part is glad that she did. Cos at least now I know how much she appreciates my effort. And my hardwork had not gone to waste.

As much as I feel good about myself.
I fucking wish she never told me about it ok.

And don't tell me I will get another chance again.
Opportunities don't come knocking twice.

My company merged with another lately.
And though now we are one big "happy" family.
When will my opportunity knock again????
TELL ME?

I hate that useless manager of mine.
You bloody ruined my career!!! (okok, exaggerate)

BAH.
I had to binge on food to feel good lor.
BAH!