My little secret

My little secret

Perhaps I gave away too much today.

Colleague: Are you like your mum or your dad?
Me: Well, that's hard to say, cos I am very hot tempered like my mum....
Colleague: You? Hot tempered? Are you sure?
Me: Go speak to my boyfriend. He'll sob to you about it.

At the end of lunch, they were horribly amazed.
I have never felt so abusive in my life.
I don't think I am abusive.
I hardly think I am violent.
I was merely getting a point across.
If that is abusive.
What's freedom of speech (and actions?)

I told them how I'd slap my boyfriend in public (and privately).
How I'd pinch, scratch and kick (him off my bed)
How I'd scream, cry, yell, bite.
BUT that is not abusive what..
I was just disciplining my boyfriend.
What's wrong?
I don't get it.
How girls whine about how their boyfriend don't do this, and they do that that that to annoy them.
Well, if the things he does annoy you.
Slap him and make him learn his lesson!

The other day, I was out at Ajisen with the said boyfriend.
The couple at the next table was annoying.
The guy was being an ass talking nonstop about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, feeding the girlfriend false information about the book (cos she have yet to read it).
And the girl kept whining (in that really irritating tone), asking him to "stop talking already, I don't want to know..." (you know, if that horrid sounding act cute voice).
And I just don't get it.
I was so tempted to just tell the boy to shut the f*ck up.
Firstly because he was saying really untrue stuff about The half blood prince, about how Sirius Black came back alive and told Harry that Lily is a Death Eater and bla bla bla (if you read the book, you'd know its bullshit).
Secondly, that girl's voice is f*cking irritating. Whoever whines like that in public?
And finally, I cannot stand it when girls do not discipline their wayward boyfriends.

I told my (abused) boyfriend.
That if I was her, I would have slapped him across his face to shut him up.
Which is true, really.

Its all discipline girls.

Watched the CSI Season 5 finale on AXN.
BOY, its good.
I promise I'd invest my next month (or next next) pay on CSI DVDs (from season one to five)
The 2 hour special was totally worth giving 绝对 Superstar a miss.

The boyfriend says I am a terrorist.

His logic: The United States Government (as well as many others) does not believe in negotiating with terrorists.

And he is right. There is absolutely no room for negotiation when it comes to ME.
Because my word should be taken as it is.
If I say A, my boyfriend cannot say its B.
OK?

I am not happy.
Really.
Maybe I am going through the pendulum-ish mood swings.
But I am just not happy.
I don't like it when our relationship is marred with quarrels, and I know I know, which relationship is perfect without quarrels.
But often I wonder.
If it is worth all the quarrels.
Is every relationship just a long goodbye.
And marriage is just a temporary induced state of false happiness.
That in time to come, the only thing sustaining a marriage together is that all too familiar feeling with each other. The inability to break free from comfort zone.

And sometimes I ask myself.
If that particular soft spot for him, exists truly because I love him. Or is it because I am just unwilling to break away from my comfort zone. Unwilling to throw myself back into those lonely and dark days, where I spent days and night talking to myself, wondering to myself if there is something worth looking forward to the next day.

I wonder.

I think it is time I do something about this relationship, me, myself and I.
I need to get my act together and seriously start thinking if we are just dragging, or perhaps I have been destructive and stubborn.

I have been telling myself that for a really long time.

And yet another thing I wonder.
What is wrong with that boy?
All that abuse, all that tears, all that yelling, all that screaming, all that harsh words, all that attitude.
And he still puts up with it.
Everytime I tell him I've had enough,
Everytime he tells me NO it is not.

When will he give it up?
And when he does.
Will it be for the better. (or worse)?